A little Backstory before we begin. I used to have an unusual technique when it came to reading God's word. I did the usual type studies like specific subject studies or specific book studies etc. But sometimes the technique I Tend to get the most out of seems the most random. I would hold the bible, close my eyes and pray for God to show me what I needed to see. I would then run my fingers over the edges of the pages back and forth until I felt the Spirit prod me to stop. Each and every time without fail I have had profound life changing revelations.
One specific time I did this and found myself stopping at First Chronicles chapter 17. The first words to jump out at me were "Here I am..". For some reason I couldn't let go of that phrase. I read the story and basically David is looking at how blessed he was and in a way started to question it. He wants to set things right in the eyes of God but God reveals things to him. David's initial response is "Who am I?". He questions it more but eventually has faith and says "You Lord, are God.". After reading this I found myself questioning where I was in life and who I was and that God brought me to that place. I questioned my purpose in life and God slowly but surely started to answer those questions.
I Write all that because I found myself in front of a Bible and I did my faithful random thing and found myself reading the same story about David except this time it was in Second Samuel. I find myself unable to escape that phrase again. " Here I am..." Though last time I questioned out of uncertainty, this time I am searching out of confusion, pain, anger and especially out of fear. The last couple of years it seems has been constant battle after battle through Hell. It has been one demon or another coming at me from all angles. No one would know because I hide very well. I bottle it up until I can't anymore and it spills out. When it gets super bad people start getting an idea because I write. I write poetry, lyrics, short stories or whatever. My bleeding heart spills out and transforms into the ink of my pen. As the ink dries the healing begins. But those are only glimpses of the surface. Echoes of a broken soul reaching through almost like a the whispers of a ghost caught on tape. Words are never truly enough and my writings tend to scare people as it is. Little do they know, if I wrote fully candid it would read as a suicide note. But I'm not suicidal by any means. The last thing I want to do is die.
That's one battle I will not lose. Despite all the visions, attacks and lies, I won't go. I do wonder why I am still here sometimes. I don't know how I made it even through high school even. Back then I was the loser. The one that was bullied relentlessly. The one you wouldn't be surprised to hear took his own life. But I'm still here. A few years ago the most popular kid in school , the one that had everything, he killed himself. But here I am. Even as I write this I have cigarettes on one side of me and a bottle of whiskey on the other. Some battles I win, others I lose. But don't be afraid because God has spared me from despair.
Fear on the other hand is a battle I constantly lose. Fear is part of the cross that I must bear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of losing everything. Fear of being alone and abandoned. The bible says over and over to trust and do not be afraid. Neither of which I have any idea how to do really. Inside I am a broken man, alone and afraid. Outside I am somehow a walking contradiction because I do trust and then everything gets shattered just as I feared. Every fear comes true. But by the grace of God I endure. They say it's brave or courageous to face your fears and do what you are afraid of anyways. But I don't feel brave, I don't feel courageous. Despite every past experience, despite all logic I still try. Eternally optimistic or gullible, brave or stupid, whichever you prefer. I feel tomorrow is always a new day with a new hope.
Here I am God. I don't know what your plans are.
Who am I that You have brought me this far?
But in the end somewhere deep inside I know, You Lord, are God.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Friday, December 14, 2012
In Our Midst
In writing a blog entitled "Let's Keep It Real", topics typically deal with the "real" of everyday type struggles and situations. Today however, nothing can be more real than the living nightmare of losing a loved one, a child no less. Especially in the wake and destruction of senseless violence.Today our world woke up to the news of a young person who, once again, lost their way and took out their anger and frustrations by shooting first their mother, and then driving to an elementary school and killing close to twenty children. As these grand scale violent outburst are happening more and more in the last few years, the truth is, it never becomes less shocking or easier to deal with in any way.
In today's tragic occurrence, the inevitable questions will be raised. What drove this young man to do the unthinkable? Were there warning signs? What did we miss? The biggest question of all that we may never have an answer to is Why?. Why would he kill his own mother? Why would he then go to her school and kill children??? These are tough questions that unfortunately don't have answers that we can know for sure. We can ( and probably will) spend days at a time speculating but we cannot know the answers. The question "Why?" is a logical and rational question to ask, but these kind of situations are neither logical nor rational.
Along with those questions, other issues will be raised as well. I can almost guarantee this will renew the anti gun sentiment and will provide fodder for the political side of regulation and things. As horrible as it sounds that a tragedy like this will be used on either side of political lines it really is inevitable because it is a perceived consequence of a lack of action. On the other side of things, it is inevitable that people will wonder: Where was God in all this? The same people who don't want prayer allowed in schools, who don't want Christmas scenes in public places will ask where our God was in all this and how could He allow this kind of evil to happen?
Innocence was stolen that day. Though we can't know why, and we can't stop every bad thing that happens, what we can do is respond and react as best as we can. The truth is, God was right there with those victims. He was there in the classroom next to the one being attacked with the teacher who kept telling her students how much she loved them. He was with the response teams of the police and fire department. And He was and is with the family members and friends who are there to comfort the loved ones of the victims.
I am not writing this as a "We need to put God back in schools!" piece, as this is neither the time nor the place for such a discussion. I am writing this as a piece to get us to evaluate where we are. During the Homily for the Immaculate Conception Mass last week, our priest told us that God's question to Adam in the garden after he had eaten the fruit was for us today as well. "Where are you?" In times like these it is easier to ask where God is, when maybe we need to be asking where are we in relation to Him?
Whether for good, or for evil, we cannot know the hearts of men. But it is precisely in times such as these that we need to turn to the One who is the Great Comforter. And in turning to God and being comforted in Him, He asks us to be His Face to others that need it. Whether in good times or bad, dream or nightmare, where is God? Right here in our midst.
In today's tragic occurrence, the inevitable questions will be raised. What drove this young man to do the unthinkable? Were there warning signs? What did we miss? The biggest question of all that we may never have an answer to is Why?. Why would he kill his own mother? Why would he then go to her school and kill children??? These are tough questions that unfortunately don't have answers that we can know for sure. We can ( and probably will) spend days at a time speculating but we cannot know the answers. The question "Why?" is a logical and rational question to ask, but these kind of situations are neither logical nor rational.
Along with those questions, other issues will be raised as well. I can almost guarantee this will renew the anti gun sentiment and will provide fodder for the political side of regulation and things. As horrible as it sounds that a tragedy like this will be used on either side of political lines it really is inevitable because it is a perceived consequence of a lack of action. On the other side of things, it is inevitable that people will wonder: Where was God in all this? The same people who don't want prayer allowed in schools, who don't want Christmas scenes in public places will ask where our God was in all this and how could He allow this kind of evil to happen?
Innocence was stolen that day. Though we can't know why, and we can't stop every bad thing that happens, what we can do is respond and react as best as we can. The truth is, God was right there with those victims. He was there in the classroom next to the one being attacked with the teacher who kept telling her students how much she loved them. He was with the response teams of the police and fire department. And He was and is with the family members and friends who are there to comfort the loved ones of the victims.
I am not writing this as a "We need to put God back in schools!" piece, as this is neither the time nor the place for such a discussion. I am writing this as a piece to get us to evaluate where we are. During the Homily for the Immaculate Conception Mass last week, our priest told us that God's question to Adam in the garden after he had eaten the fruit was for us today as well. "Where are you?" In times like these it is easier to ask where God is, when maybe we need to be asking where are we in relation to Him?
Whether for good, or for evil, we cannot know the hearts of men. But it is precisely in times such as these that we need to turn to the One who is the Great Comforter. And in turning to God and being comforted in Him, He asks us to be His Face to others that need it. Whether in good times or bad, dream or nightmare, where is God? Right here in our midst.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Wounded, But Not Beaten
A man dies and reaches the gates of Heaven. St. Peter greets him and tells him he can enter if he does one thing. Of course the man says "What is it? I'll do anything!" St. Peter asks him to show him his scars. After a few minutes of checking himself over, the man looks at St. Peter and says, " But I don't have any scars." St. Peter looks at the man sadly and asks " Was nothing worth fighting for?"
I heard this story a couple years ago when I had the chance to meet Martin Sheen at a FOCUS conference. It's stuck with me ever since, but it recently came to mind after a conversation I had with a friend. We are really good friends now but there was a point when there was a lot of conflict and injuries on both sides as a result. In our conversation this person said they had forgiven me a long time ago and I thanked them for that but also noted that often times forgiveness is one thing, and healing is something else. It really got me thinking about the scars I have and even wounds that haven't completely healed yet.
Then I thought about two movies I watched that at first might not seem to fit in with all this or relate to each other but stay with me. The first one was a history channel mini series event The Hatfields and McCoys. It was a dramatic re enactment of one of the bloodiest individual feuds in American history. The way it was depicted in this telling, Hatfield deserts the army while McCoy remains to fight and then after the war was over, incident after incident escalates until both families were bitterly fighting and killing each other. The other movie was The Red Badge of Courage. The famous story that used to be required reading material for middle/high school English classes everywhere. It's a story about a young man, Henry Fleming, who retreats during a battle and in shame tries to get injured and to try to make up and cover that he was a coward, he starts leading the charge in future battles.
See both of these stories start out the same. They deal with men who for whatever reason, whether fear, or doubt, they didn't want to fight. They retreated from the battle grounds and as a result, they both ended up with either physical or emotional injuries. How many times do we give in to temptations, or stay in unhealthy relationships because we don't want to fight?
With the Hatfields and McCoys, Hatfield didn't want to fight and it resulted in McCoy feeling resentment and bitterness. So much so that even relatively small arguments became battles that became bigger and bigger as the anger grew. It was so much so that even when there wasn't any actual arguments, there was incredible tension that people didn't know what would happen. I know in my own life, when I give in and don't fight, it snowballs into bigger and bigger sins and fights that may not have happened if I had fought valiantly the first time. Maybe if Hatfield had stayed in the initial fight, McCoy wouldn't have been so bitter and maybe the whole thing wouldn't have happened or maybe it wouldn't have been as bad as it was.
Even though both stories started out the same, this is where they differ. Where the battles Hatfield and McCoy were an escalation that started with a wound, Henry's injury causes him to fight all the more harder. He knows this injury isn't an injury to be proud of in the sense that he didn't receive it because he was brave or courageous. He knows that he only got this wound by being cowardly but he turns that around and uses it as a catalyst to light a fire and lead the way.
We just celebrated All Saints Day. I can guarantee you, there isn't a single saint who didn't have scars and that some of those scars came from not wanting to fight at some point. Even so they serve as an example, because they took those scars and knowingly fought the good fight before us.
Every one of us have scars and are going to get more scars, but how are we going to deal with them? See both stories start with men who didn't want to fight. In the end though, even with their scars they had to fight. We have to fight at some point. The question is are we going to use our scars to run and hide where we eventually have to fight even bigger battles than ever even inside ourselves against our own conscience? Or are we going to take courage that despite our scars we can lead the charge?As Christians we are asked to charge against the onslaught of the enemy and we have a choice. As Christians we know we have the hope and promise of Eternal Life after the battle because we know the eventual outcome. Take courage and lead the charge. I leave you with the ending of The Red Badge of Courage.
"It rained. The procession of weary soldiers became a bedraggled train, despondent and muttering, marching with churning effort in a trough of liquid brown mud under a low, wretched sky. Yet the youth smiled, for he saw that the world was a world for him, though many discovered it to be made of oaths and walking sticks. He had rid himself of the red sickness of battle. The sultry nightmare was in the past. He had been an animal blistered and sweating in the heat and pain of war. He turned now with a lover's thirst to images of tranquil skies, fresh meadows, cool brooks—an existence of soft and eternal peace.
Over the river a golden ray of sun came through the hosts of leaden rain clouds."
I heard this story a couple years ago when I had the chance to meet Martin Sheen at a FOCUS conference. It's stuck with me ever since, but it recently came to mind after a conversation I had with a friend. We are really good friends now but there was a point when there was a lot of conflict and injuries on both sides as a result. In our conversation this person said they had forgiven me a long time ago and I thanked them for that but also noted that often times forgiveness is one thing, and healing is something else. It really got me thinking about the scars I have and even wounds that haven't completely healed yet.
Then I thought about two movies I watched that at first might not seem to fit in with all this or relate to each other but stay with me. The first one was a history channel mini series event The Hatfields and McCoys. It was a dramatic re enactment of one of the bloodiest individual feuds in American history. The way it was depicted in this telling, Hatfield deserts the army while McCoy remains to fight and then after the war was over, incident after incident escalates until both families were bitterly fighting and killing each other. The other movie was The Red Badge of Courage. The famous story that used to be required reading material for middle/high school English classes everywhere. It's a story about a young man, Henry Fleming, who retreats during a battle and in shame tries to get injured and to try to make up and cover that he was a coward, he starts leading the charge in future battles.
See both of these stories start out the same. They deal with men who for whatever reason, whether fear, or doubt, they didn't want to fight. They retreated from the battle grounds and as a result, they both ended up with either physical or emotional injuries. How many times do we give in to temptations, or stay in unhealthy relationships because we don't want to fight?
With the Hatfields and McCoys, Hatfield didn't want to fight and it resulted in McCoy feeling resentment and bitterness. So much so that even relatively small arguments became battles that became bigger and bigger as the anger grew. It was so much so that even when there wasn't any actual arguments, there was incredible tension that people didn't know what would happen. I know in my own life, when I give in and don't fight, it snowballs into bigger and bigger sins and fights that may not have happened if I had fought valiantly the first time. Maybe if Hatfield had stayed in the initial fight, McCoy wouldn't have been so bitter and maybe the whole thing wouldn't have happened or maybe it wouldn't have been as bad as it was.
Even though both stories started out the same, this is where they differ. Where the battles Hatfield and McCoy were an escalation that started with a wound, Henry's injury causes him to fight all the more harder. He knows this injury isn't an injury to be proud of in the sense that he didn't receive it because he was brave or courageous. He knows that he only got this wound by being cowardly but he turns that around and uses it as a catalyst to light a fire and lead the way.
We just celebrated All Saints Day. I can guarantee you, there isn't a single saint who didn't have scars and that some of those scars came from not wanting to fight at some point. Even so they serve as an example, because they took those scars and knowingly fought the good fight before us.
Every one of us have scars and are going to get more scars, but how are we going to deal with them? See both stories start with men who didn't want to fight. In the end though, even with their scars they had to fight. We have to fight at some point. The question is are we going to use our scars to run and hide where we eventually have to fight even bigger battles than ever even inside ourselves against our own conscience? Or are we going to take courage that despite our scars we can lead the charge?As Christians we are asked to charge against the onslaught of the enemy and we have a choice. As Christians we know we have the hope and promise of Eternal Life after the battle because we know the eventual outcome. Take courage and lead the charge. I leave you with the ending of The Red Badge of Courage.
"It rained. The procession of weary soldiers became a bedraggled train, despondent and muttering, marching with churning effort in a trough of liquid brown mud under a low, wretched sky. Yet the youth smiled, for he saw that the world was a world for him, though many discovered it to be made of oaths and walking sticks. He had rid himself of the red sickness of battle. The sultry nightmare was in the past. He had been an animal blistered and sweating in the heat and pain of war. He turned now with a lover's thirst to images of tranquil skies, fresh meadows, cool brooks—an existence of soft and eternal peace.
Over the river a golden ray of sun came through the hosts of leaden rain clouds."
Sunday, September 23, 2012
My Father's Son
They say that the time we spend in college is the time when we discover who we will be for the rest of our lives. Perhaps this is why it is taking me so long to obtain my degree... All jokes aside, it is during these years when we refine the base of our lives politically, religiously, and even work ethics. We grow and learn in our teenage years, and people can change their ways in old age sure. But it is in this time of being a young adult in which we face questions head on. Who am I? What do I believe? What am I going to do for the rest of my life? These are questions that we have to ask ourselves and answer at some point in our life, but the truth is, there is no other time in life in which we are presented with so many ideals, and philosophies. No other time in life will anyone challenge the way we think as much as we are challenged in college or university.
I bring this up because I have been thinking about the idea of identity for a while now. From the world's viewpoint, as a nearly 27 year old I should have already finished school and started a career already. But God has a funny way with timing sometimes. I was raised in a Christian household, went to a Christian school and was heavily involved in my church growing up. I thought I had a Christian identity set in stone but then after goofing off my freshman year, I found myself out of school facing the real world. And while I still had an underlying faith (or at least knowledge of Truth), I had let my identity be stripped from me and fell away from faith for some years. Then in 2009 God brought me back to school and led me to reclaim my identity in deeper ways than I ever could have imagined. It was at this time He placed in my life some Catholic missionaries from Focus (Fellowship Of Catholic University Students). It was through these people, that a transformation began to happen and not only was my Christian identity being reclaimed, it was being rooted even deeper in Truth through the Catholic faith. Since then, God has been revealing not only who He is, but who I am in relation and what that really means.
Over the summer this year I had a chance to go with Focus on a trip to Ireland. I don't think they planned it this way, but everything about this trip dealt with "Identity". From the talks, to personal conversations, and even confession all brought about revelations about my identity. Over and over again, moments happened and I was left asking myself "Who am I?". Moments like when our plane broke through the clouds to make its landing at the Shannon Airport. Back at home in Indiana, my friends and family were dealing with record heat and droughts. When our plane came through the clouds I looked out my window and almost cried because the ground was wet. The whole week was around 65 and slight periodic rain with periods of incredible sunshine. It made me question like King David in 2 Chronicles 17. Who am I that I am blessed to be at this spot at this time? And just like King David, God answered " Because I have a plan for you."(paraphrased but the general idea).
There was a priest on this trip named Father Columba, and I was incredibly blessed to have many conversations with him. During one of our conversations, the topic of Liturgy of Hours came up. For those who don't know, the Liturgy of Hours is a form of prayer. It is a book that has psalms, and hymns and prayers that are prayed at various times during the day. We had paused for him to do his mid day prayer (he was very devoted to keeping to the prayer times as are most priests) and I had been interested in it but had never taken the chance to actually look into it further. I started asking him questions and he began to explain to me that the psalms and prayers are Christ's prayers. By coming down from Heaven, Christ assumed our identity being fully man, while also still being fully Divine. Father Columba explained how the Liturgy of the Hours covered that full spectrum of humanity to the divine and the divine to the divine, and that when we pray it we assume Christ's identity through praying. Here was this idea of identity again.
There was a night when our small group (we called them a "college", and the leader of our group was the college "dean") was having a discussion about how we could serve the young women who had been serving us by taking our dirty dishes and putting them where they were supposed to go. I immediately had the image of Christ when Mary Magdalene was washing his feet and the disciples got mad. That got me to thinking about the same imagery when Christ washed the Apostles' feet and yet this time the Apostles were mad because Jesus wouldn't let them wash His feet instead. I dwelt on those two stories because I felt there was a connection but I wasn't seeing it. After dwelling on it for a couple days I finally was able to see the connection. When Mary washed Jesus' feet, it was because she knew her identity. She knew that she belonged with and to Christ and because she realized that she was able to serve him fully, in this case by washing his feet. The Apostles weren't quite that secure yet. They were good at doing acts of love having healed people, casting out demons and helping Jesus in His ministry. The problem was they weren't secure enough in their identity to allow themselves to be loved as well. This is further proved by studying the type of people they are before and after Christ's resurrection. Completely different people afterwards because their identity was fully realized after coming into contact with the Risen Jesus.
At one point, my college dean came up to me after only a couple days and totally called me out. He asked me why I was hiding. When I looked at him incredulously, he asked me why I was running from God. My mind was blown because the truth was I was hiding and running. I had been needing reconciliation and had been making excuses not to go, and here some how, some way, someone recognized it and called me out on it. It got me to thinking about why I was hiding from it, knowing that I needed it so I went to confession. It was in this particular confession that I had some major breakthroughs and revelations that I had never fully realized before. My confessor was Father Charles, and it was through our conversation in the confessional I realized that every time I sin, it is a direct result of denying my identity. Every time I choose sin, it's because I'm choosing not to be who I am and who I was made to be. Father Charles then told me the story of Jesus' baptism in the Gospel of Mark. Jesus wasn't in need of forgiveness so He had no need to be baptized but He did so not just to set an example, but also as part of assuming our identity. Afterwards a dove descended from Heaven and a loud voice proclaimed " This is My Son in whom I am well pleased." Father Charles then asked me if I thought Jesus already knew that God was pleased with Him. I told him I was sure Jesus already knew this, at which point Father Charles told me that those words weren't for Jesus. They were spoken for those who saw Jesus become baptized and were recorded for us. When we become baptized and become part of the body of Christ, we are sharing in Christ's identity and God says "This is my Son (or Daughter) in whom I am well pleased."
When I came home from this trip i was processing everything I learned and I saw my college dean post on face book " #whatisfocusireland". I asked him about it and he told me it had to do with something between him and some of the other missionaries. I saw it as a question and I can honestly say, that from my personal experience, Focus Ireland was a revelation of who I am. It's easy to think of myself as one of God's children, or in other words a child of God. As easy as it is to think of myself in that way, it's just as easy for me to lose sight of that and fall into sinful traps again. I think it's so easy to lose sight of because often times it can seem rather abstract and and generic in a way. It's true, but it's also a thought that seems kind of distant from who and where I am at any point in time. I find that it helps to think of it in a more personal way. It was a thought I had in Ireland and it really makes my identity that much more solid. Because the truth is, as we grow in our faith, and as we grow older, we will change bit by bit. But when it comes to our identity and the base of who we are there is one thing that will never change and that is this. Who am I? I am my Father's son.
I bring this up because I have been thinking about the idea of identity for a while now. From the world's viewpoint, as a nearly 27 year old I should have already finished school and started a career already. But God has a funny way with timing sometimes. I was raised in a Christian household, went to a Christian school and was heavily involved in my church growing up. I thought I had a Christian identity set in stone but then after goofing off my freshman year, I found myself out of school facing the real world. And while I still had an underlying faith (or at least knowledge of Truth), I had let my identity be stripped from me and fell away from faith for some years. Then in 2009 God brought me back to school and led me to reclaim my identity in deeper ways than I ever could have imagined. It was at this time He placed in my life some Catholic missionaries from Focus (Fellowship Of Catholic University Students). It was through these people, that a transformation began to happen and not only was my Christian identity being reclaimed, it was being rooted even deeper in Truth through the Catholic faith. Since then, God has been revealing not only who He is, but who I am in relation and what that really means.
Over the summer this year I had a chance to go with Focus on a trip to Ireland. I don't think they planned it this way, but everything about this trip dealt with "Identity". From the talks, to personal conversations, and even confession all brought about revelations about my identity. Over and over again, moments happened and I was left asking myself "Who am I?". Moments like when our plane broke through the clouds to make its landing at the Shannon Airport. Back at home in Indiana, my friends and family were dealing with record heat and droughts. When our plane came through the clouds I looked out my window and almost cried because the ground was wet. The whole week was around 65 and slight periodic rain with periods of incredible sunshine. It made me question like King David in 2 Chronicles 17. Who am I that I am blessed to be at this spot at this time? And just like King David, God answered " Because I have a plan for you."(paraphrased but the general idea).
There was a priest on this trip named Father Columba, and I was incredibly blessed to have many conversations with him. During one of our conversations, the topic of Liturgy of Hours came up. For those who don't know, the Liturgy of Hours is a form of prayer. It is a book that has psalms, and hymns and prayers that are prayed at various times during the day. We had paused for him to do his mid day prayer (he was very devoted to keeping to the prayer times as are most priests) and I had been interested in it but had never taken the chance to actually look into it further. I started asking him questions and he began to explain to me that the psalms and prayers are Christ's prayers. By coming down from Heaven, Christ assumed our identity being fully man, while also still being fully Divine. Father Columba explained how the Liturgy of the Hours covered that full spectrum of humanity to the divine and the divine to the divine, and that when we pray it we assume Christ's identity through praying. Here was this idea of identity again.
There was a night when our small group (we called them a "college", and the leader of our group was the college "dean") was having a discussion about how we could serve the young women who had been serving us by taking our dirty dishes and putting them where they were supposed to go. I immediately had the image of Christ when Mary Magdalene was washing his feet and the disciples got mad. That got me to thinking about the same imagery when Christ washed the Apostles' feet and yet this time the Apostles were mad because Jesus wouldn't let them wash His feet instead. I dwelt on those two stories because I felt there was a connection but I wasn't seeing it. After dwelling on it for a couple days I finally was able to see the connection. When Mary washed Jesus' feet, it was because she knew her identity. She knew that she belonged with and to Christ and because she realized that she was able to serve him fully, in this case by washing his feet. The Apostles weren't quite that secure yet. They were good at doing acts of love having healed people, casting out demons and helping Jesus in His ministry. The problem was they weren't secure enough in their identity to allow themselves to be loved as well. This is further proved by studying the type of people they are before and after Christ's resurrection. Completely different people afterwards because their identity was fully realized after coming into contact with the Risen Jesus.
At one point, my college dean came up to me after only a couple days and totally called me out. He asked me why I was hiding. When I looked at him incredulously, he asked me why I was running from God. My mind was blown because the truth was I was hiding and running. I had been needing reconciliation and had been making excuses not to go, and here some how, some way, someone recognized it and called me out on it. It got me to thinking about why I was hiding from it, knowing that I needed it so I went to confession. It was in this particular confession that I had some major breakthroughs and revelations that I had never fully realized before. My confessor was Father Charles, and it was through our conversation in the confessional I realized that every time I sin, it is a direct result of denying my identity. Every time I choose sin, it's because I'm choosing not to be who I am and who I was made to be. Father Charles then told me the story of Jesus' baptism in the Gospel of Mark. Jesus wasn't in need of forgiveness so He had no need to be baptized but He did so not just to set an example, but also as part of assuming our identity. Afterwards a dove descended from Heaven and a loud voice proclaimed " This is My Son in whom I am well pleased." Father Charles then asked me if I thought Jesus already knew that God was pleased with Him. I told him I was sure Jesus already knew this, at which point Father Charles told me that those words weren't for Jesus. They were spoken for those who saw Jesus become baptized and were recorded for us. When we become baptized and become part of the body of Christ, we are sharing in Christ's identity and God says "This is my Son (or Daughter) in whom I am well pleased."
When I came home from this trip i was processing everything I learned and I saw my college dean post on face book " #whatisfocusireland". I asked him about it and he told me it had to do with something between him and some of the other missionaries. I saw it as a question and I can honestly say, that from my personal experience, Focus Ireland was a revelation of who I am. It's easy to think of myself as one of God's children, or in other words a child of God. As easy as it is to think of myself in that way, it's just as easy for me to lose sight of that and fall into sinful traps again. I think it's so easy to lose sight of because often times it can seem rather abstract and and generic in a way. It's true, but it's also a thought that seems kind of distant from who and where I am at any point in time. I find that it helps to think of it in a more personal way. It was a thought I had in Ireland and it really makes my identity that much more solid. Because the truth is, as we grow in our faith, and as we grow older, we will change bit by bit. But when it comes to our identity and the base of who we are there is one thing that will never change and that is this. Who am I? I am my Father's son.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
Ready to hear about the greatest love story ever told? The Notebook! If you haven't seen or read this, then I can almost guarantee you have at least heard of it. Alright so I fibbed, that isn't the greatest love story ever told, but it does play a huge role in what I want to talk about today. If you haven't seen it, then go watch it and come back! Or you can just read on and I will break it down for you. There will be spoilers so....you've been warned. The Notebook was a book written by Nicholas Sparks then turned into a movie famously starring Ryan Gosling as Noah and Rachel McAdams as Allie. The book and the movie were pretty close to each other, and this is one of the rare cases I kind of prefer the movie. It's called The Notebook because it starts off with an older gentleman visiting a woman in the nursing home and everyday he comes to read this love story to her. The story itself is pretty common, a young guy meets a young girl and they fall madly in love even though she comes from a rich uppity family and he comes from poorer means. After their beautiful summer together ends, she moves away with her family. He writes her a letter a day for a year and her mother hides them because she doesn't think they should be together. Years down the road Allie becomes engaged to someone her parents approve of, but Noah never had gotten over her and was still madly in love with her. In fact he had bought a house that Allie had fell in love with, and he had remodeled it using the details of what Allie had wanted to do with it all those years before. Allie then reads about this house in a news story and realizes that maybe she wasn't completely over him so she decides she has to go back and visit him for closure I guess. Thus begins the necessary love triangle that is so common in these sort of stories. More on that later. Anyways, after revisiting Noah, the intense passion of their summer together is rekindled and Allie finds out about her mother hiding the letters. Push comes to shove and her mother shows up and explains why she did it, and then drives her to a railroad work yard and explains that she was in love with a poorer man a long time ago and she never went back for him so she understands why Allie had to do it and pretty much tells her to follow her heart. It all comes to a point where Allie has to make a decision and she chooses Noah. They end up getting married and live happily ever after. Throughout this whole story it would periodically cut back to the older gentleman who was reading this story to the woman. He closes the book and you find out that the older man and the older woman were the grown old Noah and Allie. You find out that he was reading this story to her because she had alzheimer's and couldn't recognize anyone she had known for years. She realizes this was their story and she opens the book and reads the note that she had wrote when she first got alzheimer's that read something to the effect of, " If I ever forget you, read me this story and I will always come back to you." And so every day Noah would read this story to her and sometimes she would remember for just five minutes, sometimes longer. The movie ends with Noah visiting her room that night and they fall asleep together and in the morning the nurse finds that they had passed together, hands held close.
Wow..... I'm not going to lie, it gets me every time. Even Noah's own children couldn't understand why he did it everyday just for five minutes of her remembering and he would say " Because I love her." Nicholas Sparks can write let me tell you. He is probably one of my top 3 fave authors. Now, generally when this movie comes up the people I have talked to react one of two ways. They absolutely love it, or they absolutely hate it. I have found that those who love it, do so because they dream that that kind of love could be real and they want to experience it. Those who hate it, do so because they don't think it exists and it unrealistically portrays a romantic fantasy that somehow could never be possible. If you haven't noticed by now, I fall into the former, absolutely love it crowd. Truth be told though, I would say I don't just dream of experiencing that kind of love, I can honestly say I know for a fact that it exists and is real.
I know it exists because I witnessed it firsthand. You see my mother had multiple sclerosis. It is a disease that attacks the nervous system and usually leads to physical disability. It affected my mom in such a way that after years of other symptoms, her hands began to have tremors to the point to where she could no longer feed herself or allow her to hold things anymore. Then it began to affect her legs to where she no longer could get out of bed and for the last ten years of her life she was bed ridden. It got to the point to where even putting the thinnest sheet on the bed caused her pain as if someone was punching her. While she didn't have alzheimer's like Allie, the combination of the M.S. and being bedridden made her start losing her short term memory. She could remember everything from years past but she couldn't remember if she just ate, or if you had just met her she couldn't remember your name or even having met you a few days later. Through all of this, my dad loved her and was there for her. When she had to go to the hospital, she developed bed sores and her bed sheets weren't changed properly enough so when she was able to, he took her home. Doctors and people in the family said maybe she should go to a home where nurses and doctors could take care of her but he refused. He knew that if she went to one of those homes it would have made her condition worse. When she first became bedridden, dad hired a couple of people to take care of her while he worked his butt off. Every day he went to work and the only reason he did it was to make money so she wouldn't be in need of anything. In December of 2008, she had gotten sick with the flu, but the M.S. had made her immune system so worn down she couldn't fight it off. One night, two hours after I had left, she stopped breathing. Dad laid her on the floor and immediately started C.P.R. and called 911 but it was to no avail. And so it was December 15th, my mother passed away. Afterwards, doctors who knew her situation well told my dad they were amazed she was able to live as long as she did. They even went as far as saying that it was probably because my dad took care of her instead of putting her in a home when he could have and walked away. I know the perfect love that was described in The Notebook is real because I saw it with my own eyes. Does that mean there were no problems, or that dad didn't make mistakes? No. That perfect love was enacted imperfectly precisely because he is human but that love that Noah had for Allie was very real and present in my parents.
Now let me tell you about another love story that convinces me The Notebook's love is real. There is a Groom waiting for His Bride as we speak. See a long time ago they met in a garden and had a summer of intense intimate never ending love, and then the Bride had to move away for a long time. Over decades and centuries the Groom sent letters and messengers trying to show that he still cared. Just like in the Notebook where Noah planned on buying and building the dream house for Allie, this Groom had a plan that was in place since before the Bride was ever in the picture. Of course the Groom I am talking about is Jesus, the Bride is his people, the Church, that is YOU and I. The plan I was referring to is the Gospel. That Jesus would prove His love for us that centuries upon centuries couldn't diminish. He came down and lived among us and ultimately sacrificed everything, literally. He received the worst kind of treatment in the form of beatings, flogging, and a crown of thorns was beaten into His head. He was humiliated beyond belief in the mockeries, and insults. To top this humiliation, and as a final act of sacrificial and complete love, he gave His life in the worst death imaginable upon a Cross. Even after all that, it wasn't enough. You know how people say they would go to Hell and back for the one they love? Christ did it and then was raised from the dead. Remember that love triangle I said I would get to later? See there is a constant battle being waged between Christ and the serpent that is, the devil. The devil portrays himself as the flashy rich guy that we "need " that is forever trying to persuade us to choose him. He tries to convince us that Christ is the poor one that could never be good enough for us when the Truth is he is more than we could ever want or need. There comes a point when we have to make a choice. We have to choose if we are going to believe the lie that will never make us happy, or the Truth that will forever free us. We may not have amnesia or alzheimer's but we do have what I call sin-nesia. We have this tendency to fall into sin even when we don't want to. And just like Noah in his older age read that notebook to Allie every day, God is calling us back. Everyday God reads our story to us through the Gospel saying, " You are mine, and I am yours." He is constantly trying to get us to turn back to him, calling for our continual conversion until we can finally join Him forever in Heaven. And THAT is the greatest love story ever told.....
Wow..... I'm not going to lie, it gets me every time. Even Noah's own children couldn't understand why he did it everyday just for five minutes of her remembering and he would say " Because I love her." Nicholas Sparks can write let me tell you. He is probably one of my top 3 fave authors. Now, generally when this movie comes up the people I have talked to react one of two ways. They absolutely love it, or they absolutely hate it. I have found that those who love it, do so because they dream that that kind of love could be real and they want to experience it. Those who hate it, do so because they don't think it exists and it unrealistically portrays a romantic fantasy that somehow could never be possible. If you haven't noticed by now, I fall into the former, absolutely love it crowd. Truth be told though, I would say I don't just dream of experiencing that kind of love, I can honestly say I know for a fact that it exists and is real.
I know it exists because I witnessed it firsthand. You see my mother had multiple sclerosis. It is a disease that attacks the nervous system and usually leads to physical disability. It affected my mom in such a way that after years of other symptoms, her hands began to have tremors to the point to where she could no longer feed herself or allow her to hold things anymore. Then it began to affect her legs to where she no longer could get out of bed and for the last ten years of her life she was bed ridden. It got to the point to where even putting the thinnest sheet on the bed caused her pain as if someone was punching her. While she didn't have alzheimer's like Allie, the combination of the M.S. and being bedridden made her start losing her short term memory. She could remember everything from years past but she couldn't remember if she just ate, or if you had just met her she couldn't remember your name or even having met you a few days later. Through all of this, my dad loved her and was there for her. When she had to go to the hospital, she developed bed sores and her bed sheets weren't changed properly enough so when she was able to, he took her home. Doctors and people in the family said maybe she should go to a home where nurses and doctors could take care of her but he refused. He knew that if she went to one of those homes it would have made her condition worse. When she first became bedridden, dad hired a couple of people to take care of her while he worked his butt off. Every day he went to work and the only reason he did it was to make money so she wouldn't be in need of anything. In December of 2008, she had gotten sick with the flu, but the M.S. had made her immune system so worn down she couldn't fight it off. One night, two hours after I had left, she stopped breathing. Dad laid her on the floor and immediately started C.P.R. and called 911 but it was to no avail. And so it was December 15th, my mother passed away. Afterwards, doctors who knew her situation well told my dad they were amazed she was able to live as long as she did. They even went as far as saying that it was probably because my dad took care of her instead of putting her in a home when he could have and walked away. I know the perfect love that was described in The Notebook is real because I saw it with my own eyes. Does that mean there were no problems, or that dad didn't make mistakes? No. That perfect love was enacted imperfectly precisely because he is human but that love that Noah had for Allie was very real and present in my parents.
Now let me tell you about another love story that convinces me The Notebook's love is real. There is a Groom waiting for His Bride as we speak. See a long time ago they met in a garden and had a summer of intense intimate never ending love, and then the Bride had to move away for a long time. Over decades and centuries the Groom sent letters and messengers trying to show that he still cared. Just like in the Notebook where Noah planned on buying and building the dream house for Allie, this Groom had a plan that was in place since before the Bride was ever in the picture. Of course the Groom I am talking about is Jesus, the Bride is his people, the Church, that is YOU and I. The plan I was referring to is the Gospel. That Jesus would prove His love for us that centuries upon centuries couldn't diminish. He came down and lived among us and ultimately sacrificed everything, literally. He received the worst kind of treatment in the form of beatings, flogging, and a crown of thorns was beaten into His head. He was humiliated beyond belief in the mockeries, and insults. To top this humiliation, and as a final act of sacrificial and complete love, he gave His life in the worst death imaginable upon a Cross. Even after all that, it wasn't enough. You know how people say they would go to Hell and back for the one they love? Christ did it and then was raised from the dead. Remember that love triangle I said I would get to later? See there is a constant battle being waged between Christ and the serpent that is, the devil. The devil portrays himself as the flashy rich guy that we "need " that is forever trying to persuade us to choose him. He tries to convince us that Christ is the poor one that could never be good enough for us when the Truth is he is more than we could ever want or need. There comes a point when we have to make a choice. We have to choose if we are going to believe the lie that will never make us happy, or the Truth that will forever free us. We may not have amnesia or alzheimer's but we do have what I call sin-nesia. We have this tendency to fall into sin even when we don't want to. And just like Noah in his older age read that notebook to Allie every day, God is calling us back. Everyday God reads our story to us through the Gospel saying, " You are mine, and I am yours." He is constantly trying to get us to turn back to him, calling for our continual conversion until we can finally join Him forever in Heaven. And THAT is the greatest love story ever told.....
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Being a Light in the Darkness.
First off, I apologize for taking so long to write again. Hopefully one of these days, this will be more regular. I hope that this blog finds you doing well and I thank you for taking the time to read. As always feedback is welcomed and I invite you to tell your friends and follow!
Let's go ahead and get started by diving right into today's topic. There are a few things I had the chance to witness these last couple of weeks that inspired this so bear with me. I want to specifically touch on the subject of pornography, but hopefully the lessons will extend beyond just that.
You know, it used to be that topics like pornography were taboo. And by that I mean it wasn't publicized as much and if men looked at it, it was a personal thing that no one needed to know about. When you look at the history of this billion dollar industry, you will see in it's beginning, with publications such as Playboy and Hustler, that society as a whole had different standards and people stood up against it. Somewhere along the lines though, society has changed, so much that now pornography is no longer something that is hidden, but rather something that is glorified and touted as normal. In the past few years alone, hardcore pornography has passed over from just a cult-status niche ( like comics or Anime,as an example) into mainstream media. Movie studios use "famous" porn stars in roles to attract more viewers. Mainstream movies (usually touted as "comedies" in order to make it easier to accept, I presume) feature stories ABOUT making a porn i.e. "Zack and Miri Make a Porno". By the way that is an actual movie title starring Seth Rogen, I'm not joking. Even mainstream NEWS outlets write stories promoting the industry. I saw last week on CNN's website where they had an article covering the Adult Video Awards and had features such as "the 12 hottest porn stars". CNN people!!
Now comes the hard part of this blog to write. I will be honest, as a man ( even a christian and even after my Catholic conversion) I struggled with this. I will be honest and say that even now it is still a struggle sometimes. It started like most boys, discovering dad's playboy magazines ( not my dad's but friend's would discover their dad's stash and show me). From there it went from seeing scandalous pictures to wanting to see more. I have been able to deal with it better by having an amazing priest for confession and accountability buddies, which are HUGE tools with help battling stuff like this. But to be honest, the biggest thing that has helped me, believe it or not, was the invention of Facebook and Twitter. How is that do you ask? Most people, if you were to offer them the ability to let people they know see what goes on in their heads, they would be ashamed to right? You wouldn't want your parents to know what you have seen or "enjoyed". For most people that would be embarrassing right? I can say from experience, unfortunately, that along with the push to become mainstream, pornography websites offer the ability to not only press the "like" button. But also to publicly share what you just watched! Not only is it no longer taboo, not only is it presented in mainstream news like the CNN articles, but it is encouraged to let other people see and share it as well. To be honest, after seeing that a couple of times I can tell you I was "shocked" out of wanting to partake in it anymore. It is no longer merely a personal sin that doesn't hurt anyone else. To be clear, it never was, but is only now becoming more apparent. Which brings us to the next part.....
This week I was able to witness two events dealing with pornography that was handled in two opposite ways. The first one was a movie I watched called "Fireproof". If you have not seen this movie, I would highly recommend it. It is a story about two non-Christians who are married and their marriage is crumbling to the point of divorce. One of the big contributors to the breakdown, is the husband's addiction to adult websites. The husband desperately wants to save the marriage, and without giving away too much of the story, he has some conversions and specifically gets rid of his computer. At one point, the imagery is so intense and I love the director's choice to do this, he takes the computer outside and literally beats the hell out of it with a baseball bat. Now I don't think that has to be the answer in all situations, but the imagery was awesome. I will let you see the movie to get the rest of the story because I don't want to ruin it for anyone so that's all I will say about it now. I just wanted to show you that particular instance, in the way pornography was dealt with.
Now for the second incident. This was a real life incident involving FOCUS missionary, John Leyendecker, and his exchanges with a professional athlete by the name of Chad Ochocinco (wide receiver for the New England Patriots). These exchanges happened via Twitter where Ochocinco has 3.2 million followers and yet he specifically decided to respond to John's posts, which by itself is kinda awesome. Click HERE for the full exchange, which I encourage you to do because John goes on to say some wise words about pornography as well. The exhange started with a twitter follower asking Ochocinco about a porn website. Chad responded by tweeting, " @ochocinco A very interesting site, I get most of my creative ideas from there to keep HER guessing what's next." John Leyendecker saw this tweet and decided to take courage and try to help a fellow brother out. He then tweeted to Ochocinco this tweet. "@johnleyendecker: @ochocinco you claim to be Christian, yet look at porn? You are a joke. Be a man. Honor your God and women. Kids look up to you." Chad Ochocinco saw this post and responded with"@ochocinco: I tend to back slide every now and then kind sir." And this is where potentially more problems come in because now, what can Chad say to the person that started this exchange? He has lost credibility on both sides because he pulled a politician move and reversed his position by saying the former statement or actions were a "backslide". It is one thing, when we are with non Christian friends and make mistakes with what we say. It is another thing altogether when it's a public statement to both our non Christian as well as our Christian friends. Now, not to bash Chad's intentions because I fully hope that he meant what he said, but here was an opportunity for a person claiming Christianity to do the right thing and he fumbled. (Pun intended)
I share all this to bring us to the point of today's message. This is a lost world and even if only unconsciously, people know there is something more out there. Last week was "Super Bowl week" culminating in the big game that was played in my hometown of Indianapolis. For those of you who have not experienced a "Super Bowl week", it is pretty much a week long festival of events, concerts, parties, entertainment what have you. My home parish, St John the Evangelist Catholic Church, was in the middle of all these festivities. Our priest, Fr. Rick Nagel, saw a huge opportunity for us to be witnesses to the world that came to our city. So he initiated (quite literally because our weather was unseasonably warm) the Open Wide the Doors for Christ mission in which hundreds, if not a thousand or more, people were in and out of our Church every day. I had the opportunity to be there myself for quite some time about 4 or 5 days that week. I saw firsthand for myself the desires and curiosities of people, some catholic, some not, some not even Christian. There were three things that struck me about the people when they came in. One, they immediately marveled at how beautiful the Church itself was. Two, that was immediately followed by awe of how old our Church is ( its the oldest Catholic Church in Indianapolis and is 175 years old). Throughout the day, it wasn't surprising to see people come in and just sit down to take it all in, or to pray. The only time people weren't asking questions or going on guided tours through the Church was when Mass or Adoration was going on. Which brings me to the third thing that struck me ( and possibly the biggest thing). The amount of respect and reverence that even non-Christians/Catholics had for what was going on. I'm not aware of any incidents where people who came in were loud or disturbing the sanctity of what goes on during Mass and Adoration. The people I saw that came in, when they found out what was going on they immediately hushed themselves and a lot of them just stared and watched what was going on. Outside the building I saw people walking by asking what adoration was, conversing about what was happening inside during those times. We had a cardboard cutout of Pope Benedict XVI that was set up so you could take your picture with him. It was a huge attraction, especially among non-Catholics, and I think it was probably more of a novelty item for them. But the truth is, the whole time I was there, every picture taken was respectful and reverent. Occasionally someone would jokingly do bunny ears before the actual picture, and I think I saw two people Tebowing at one point, but for the most part, nothing was disrespectful about it. In a world of Facebook where people post crude poses with statues and stick their tongues out or what have you, that didn't happen here, that I am aware of. In a world full of darkness, I saw the awe and wonder of people when they came close to the light. To quote THIS blog, "In the end, evangelization is not an option; it is a requirement of our Baptism and Confirmation." We as Christians, as Catholics, whether we have millions of followers like Chad Ochocinco, or are single students living with their parents, like me, we have, not only an opportunity, but a responsibility to be witnesses, to be a beacon of hope in a lost world. To be a Light in the Darkness......
Let's go ahead and get started by diving right into today's topic. There are a few things I had the chance to witness these last couple of weeks that inspired this so bear with me. I want to specifically touch on the subject of pornography, but hopefully the lessons will extend beyond just that.
You know, it used to be that topics like pornography were taboo. And by that I mean it wasn't publicized as much and if men looked at it, it was a personal thing that no one needed to know about. When you look at the history of this billion dollar industry, you will see in it's beginning, with publications such as Playboy and Hustler, that society as a whole had different standards and people stood up against it. Somewhere along the lines though, society has changed, so much that now pornography is no longer something that is hidden, but rather something that is glorified and touted as normal. In the past few years alone, hardcore pornography has passed over from just a cult-status niche ( like comics or Anime,as an example) into mainstream media. Movie studios use "famous" porn stars in roles to attract more viewers. Mainstream movies (usually touted as "comedies" in order to make it easier to accept, I presume) feature stories ABOUT making a porn i.e. "Zack and Miri Make a Porno". By the way that is an actual movie title starring Seth Rogen, I'm not joking. Even mainstream NEWS outlets write stories promoting the industry. I saw last week on CNN's website where they had an article covering the Adult Video Awards and had features such as "the 12 hottest porn stars". CNN people!!
Now comes the hard part of this blog to write. I will be honest, as a man ( even a christian and even after my Catholic conversion) I struggled with this. I will be honest and say that even now it is still a struggle sometimes. It started like most boys, discovering dad's playboy magazines ( not my dad's but friend's would discover their dad's stash and show me). From there it went from seeing scandalous pictures to wanting to see more. I have been able to deal with it better by having an amazing priest for confession and accountability buddies, which are HUGE tools with help battling stuff like this. But to be honest, the biggest thing that has helped me, believe it or not, was the invention of Facebook and Twitter. How is that do you ask? Most people, if you were to offer them the ability to let people they know see what goes on in their heads, they would be ashamed to right? You wouldn't want your parents to know what you have seen or "enjoyed". For most people that would be embarrassing right? I can say from experience, unfortunately, that along with the push to become mainstream, pornography websites offer the ability to not only press the "like" button. But also to publicly share what you just watched! Not only is it no longer taboo, not only is it presented in mainstream news like the CNN articles, but it is encouraged to let other people see and share it as well. To be honest, after seeing that a couple of times I can tell you I was "shocked" out of wanting to partake in it anymore. It is no longer merely a personal sin that doesn't hurt anyone else. To be clear, it never was, but is only now becoming more apparent. Which brings us to the next part.....
This week I was able to witness two events dealing with pornography that was handled in two opposite ways. The first one was a movie I watched called "Fireproof". If you have not seen this movie, I would highly recommend it. It is a story about two non-Christians who are married and their marriage is crumbling to the point of divorce. One of the big contributors to the breakdown, is the husband's addiction to adult websites. The husband desperately wants to save the marriage, and without giving away too much of the story, he has some conversions and specifically gets rid of his computer. At one point, the imagery is so intense and I love the director's choice to do this, he takes the computer outside and literally beats the hell out of it with a baseball bat. Now I don't think that has to be the answer in all situations, but the imagery was awesome. I will let you see the movie to get the rest of the story because I don't want to ruin it for anyone so that's all I will say about it now. I just wanted to show you that particular instance, in the way pornography was dealt with.
Now for the second incident. This was a real life incident involving FOCUS missionary, John Leyendecker, and his exchanges with a professional athlete by the name of Chad Ochocinco (wide receiver for the New England Patriots). These exchanges happened via Twitter where Ochocinco has 3.2 million followers and yet he specifically decided to respond to John's posts, which by itself is kinda awesome. Click HERE for the full exchange, which I encourage you to do because John goes on to say some wise words about pornography as well. The exhange started with a twitter follower asking Ochocinco about a porn website. Chad responded by tweeting, " @ochocinco A very interesting site, I get most of my creative ideas from there to keep HER guessing what's next." John Leyendecker saw this tweet and decided to take courage and try to help a fellow brother out. He then tweeted to Ochocinco this tweet. "@johnleyendecker: @ochocinco you claim to be Christian, yet look at porn? You are a joke. Be a man. Honor your God and women. Kids look up to you." Chad Ochocinco saw this post and responded with"@ochocinco: I tend to back slide every now and then kind sir." And this is where potentially more problems come in because now, what can Chad say to the person that started this exchange? He has lost credibility on both sides because he pulled a politician move and reversed his position by saying the former statement or actions were a "backslide". It is one thing, when we are with non Christian friends and make mistakes with what we say. It is another thing altogether when it's a public statement to both our non Christian as well as our Christian friends. Now, not to bash Chad's intentions because I fully hope that he meant what he said, but here was an opportunity for a person claiming Christianity to do the right thing and he fumbled. (Pun intended)
I share all this to bring us to the point of today's message. This is a lost world and even if only unconsciously, people know there is something more out there. Last week was "Super Bowl week" culminating in the big game that was played in my hometown of Indianapolis. For those of you who have not experienced a "Super Bowl week", it is pretty much a week long festival of events, concerts, parties, entertainment what have you. My home parish, St John the Evangelist Catholic Church, was in the middle of all these festivities. Our priest, Fr. Rick Nagel, saw a huge opportunity for us to be witnesses to the world that came to our city. So he initiated (quite literally because our weather was unseasonably warm) the Open Wide the Doors for Christ mission in which hundreds, if not a thousand or more, people were in and out of our Church every day. I had the opportunity to be there myself for quite some time about 4 or 5 days that week. I saw firsthand for myself the desires and curiosities of people, some catholic, some not, some not even Christian. There were three things that struck me about the people when they came in. One, they immediately marveled at how beautiful the Church itself was. Two, that was immediately followed by awe of how old our Church is ( its the oldest Catholic Church in Indianapolis and is 175 years old). Throughout the day, it wasn't surprising to see people come in and just sit down to take it all in, or to pray. The only time people weren't asking questions or going on guided tours through the Church was when Mass or Adoration was going on. Which brings me to the third thing that struck me ( and possibly the biggest thing). The amount of respect and reverence that even non-Christians/Catholics had for what was going on. I'm not aware of any incidents where people who came in were loud or disturbing the sanctity of what goes on during Mass and Adoration. The people I saw that came in, when they found out what was going on they immediately hushed themselves and a lot of them just stared and watched what was going on. Outside the building I saw people walking by asking what adoration was, conversing about what was happening inside during those times. We had a cardboard cutout of Pope Benedict XVI that was set up so you could take your picture with him. It was a huge attraction, especially among non-Catholics, and I think it was probably more of a novelty item for them. But the truth is, the whole time I was there, every picture taken was respectful and reverent. Occasionally someone would jokingly do bunny ears before the actual picture, and I think I saw two people Tebowing at one point, but for the most part, nothing was disrespectful about it. In a world of Facebook where people post crude poses with statues and stick their tongues out or what have you, that didn't happen here, that I am aware of. In a world full of darkness, I saw the awe and wonder of people when they came close to the light. To quote THIS blog, "In the end, evangelization is not an option; it is a requirement of our Baptism and Confirmation." We as Christians, as Catholics, whether we have millions of followers like Chad Ochocinco, or are single students living with their parents, like me, we have, not only an opportunity, but a responsibility to be witnesses, to be a beacon of hope in a lost world. To be a Light in the Darkness......
Sunday, December 18, 2011
A.C.T.S. of Life
Here we are in the middle of Advent. Christmas is soon and right afterwords is the coming of a new year. It's the time of year when we start new beginnings, spending quality time with family and friends. Maybe for a lot of us it's a chance to breathe after a hard semester of school. I know for me, it's the time when I start looking forward with a renewed sense of hope while also reflecting over the past year. For the past week, give or take, I have been thinking about how much of God's grace I take for granted, Not just what I receive but also what I could have received and have missed out on all because I don't take the time to pray enough. Whether praying the rosary, just spending time in adoration or just devoting a specific amount of time each day reflecting and talking to God, I flat out don't do it enough. It's so easy to get caught up in the busyness and hectic schedule of life. I don't know why its so hard to do this as simple as it sounds in theory, because after all prayer is our lifeline! I mean if your parents want you to do something, how do you find out what it is? Do you go to your friends and talk to them about what your parents want? Do you go to people that know your parents well to find out? You can do that, but you won't get close to a good complete answer. The only way you can know clearly and fully what is desired of you, is to go directly to your parents and talk to them. It's the same thing with our Father in Heaven. The only way to know what His specific plan for you is to talk to Him directly. You can get good advice from others like faithful people you know, priests, family what have you. But unless you are talking directly to God, it's only advice and not actual answers. That isn't to say that God doesn't speak through these people because He does, but that is where discernment comes into play. It's also why it is vitally important to talk to God first and foremost.
There is this prayer guide tool that you may have heard of called A.C.T.S. It stands for adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication. In Adoration we are to proclaim and recognize who God is and what kind of characteristics He has. With Confession we have a personal cleansing, repentance and through that we put on the nature of Christ. Thanksgiving is for us to recognize and remember everything that God has done for us and what He will do. We offer praise and meditation keeping humble because we receive such an abundance of Grace and the least of which we don't deserve. With Supplication we are humbly asking, interceding and petitioning according to His will.
In thinking about prayer, it's important to remember that living a prayerful life isn't just speaking to God. It's making our life itself a prayer, offering everything we do in a physical sense, as well as mentally and spiritually, as a sacrifice and worship to God, for God, with God and by God.
How do we live out a life of prayer? In our pursuit of the invitation to Holiness, we are called to daily lay down our lives for Christ. We are called to take up our cross and follow Him. We do this by offering ourselves for His glory when we wake up. When we go to work, or school we recognize that we aren't doing it for men. We do it for His glory as witnesses and testimony to His goodness. On a larger scale, we are reminded of A.C.T.S. when we partake in the Eucharist. In Mass we see the presence of Jesus at the altar. We adore, then we confess that we aren't worthy, then afterwards we pray a prayer of thanksgiving. Mass ends and we are commissioned to go do God's will in our daily life the purpose of which is to draw more people into His fold.
If there is one thing I don't believe in, it's coincidence. Want to see A.C.T.S. in a way you might never have thought of? Look at the Liturgical Year. The Church in Her wisdom established the Liturgical Year as Advent, Lent, Easter and Ordinary time. Of course there are a few weeks of ordinary time in between Advent and Lent but that's the general way it's set up. I think it is nothing short of amazing when you look at the Liturgical Year compared to the regular calendar. The way its set up, I can't help but marvel at the way God works. Even in the midst of a lost secularized world, God calls out. When you line the Liturgical Year with the regular calender year you get New year, Lent,spring, Easter, Ordinary Time (which includes summer and fall), Thanksgiving,Advent, winter, Christmas, end of year. Of course throughout there are various other secular Holidays. Such as ( in America) Memorial Day, Labor Day, July 4th all of which are secular in design yet have a purpose that draws our attention to God.
In lining up the two years, A.C.T.S. becomes quite clear. The start of the new year is a time when we make resolutions. We recognize the need to change things and we try to change them. It's a time of beginning anew, starting over. It is in this time, we should start by seeing who God is. It is the time when we realize our dependency on the Unchanging God to change us, to direct our feet back to the path that we walked away from. Then we have Lent, where we are preparing to celebrate the Passion and Resurrection of our Lord Jesus. It is a time when the overall theme is reconciliation and Confession.We fast, and deny ourselves pleasures of whatever we "give up" to align our suffering with the suffering of Christ. We celebrate the start of spring and Easter where it is by Jesus' resurrection we are empowered to start the work of the kingdom where both literally and spiritually, we plant our seeds and God grows them. Summer comes along and we have to really work the ground and do our part so the harvest grows and is tendered to bear fruits as best as we can.Then fall comes where its time to harvest the fruit of our hard work. We have Thanksgiving [other countries vary on days and traditions of thanksgiving but usually still have a recognized time of observing harvest and such so the idea is still there] where we are thankful for the harvest we just had. It's also a time when we prepare to take what we were given and store it up for our families and others in time of need. Which brings me to Supplication. I am going to include Advent, winter and Christmas all under this. We start in Advent where we prepare to celebrate the single greatest gift we could have ever dreamed of. Our precious Savior, exactly what we needed and yet not what we had expected. They say the best gifts come in small packages, and here we have a precious, precious infant. It took 33 years for our gift to be fully known and unwrapped for what it was, but it started in a tiny bundle in a manger surrounded by animals and strangers in a foreign city. While people debate on when Christ was physically born, I think it is funny ( in an ironic way) that we celebrate His birth at the start of winter. We are called to take care of the poor and the needy every day, but it is in winter when their needs are the most dire. Not that its easier to be homeless or hungry in warm weather, but winter is when the elements are at their worst. The season of most need is when we celebrate receiving what we most needed. Even non believing athiests recognize the needs of others and do what they can at this time of year. Not that they don't any other time, just this is the time of year when it is most visually seen and when others seem to come together more than any other time of year. Even a secular world that doesn't celebrate CHRISTMAS, but celebrate...well whatever it is they celebrate at this time of year, in exchanging gifts (even materially), volunteering to work at homeless shelters and such, they take the time to put others needs and desires above their own. This is the point of supplication and petitioning. Not just asking God to take care of our needs, but really asking Him to provide for others what they need most.
Now all this was on the grand scale of a full year (and I was blown away when I saw it), but to be honest we are called to do it every single day. We are called everyday we wake up to: 1)Recognize who God is, 2) recognize that we have fallen short of our place in relationship to Christ, 3) be humbly thankful that we have received another day to live, and 4) to petition God not just for our needs, but to use us in such a way as to put on the nature of Christ and become the face of Christ as we take care of others as much as we can. I challenge you (myself as well), Implement this prayer guide. When you wake up in the morning, before you go to bed, or take some time out during the day to really talk to God. He wants to hear from you. Then after you have prayed, I challenge you to make your life a prayer and act out the A.C.T.S. of life.
There is this prayer guide tool that you may have heard of called A.C.T.S. It stands for adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication. In Adoration we are to proclaim and recognize who God is and what kind of characteristics He has. With Confession we have a personal cleansing, repentance and through that we put on the nature of Christ. Thanksgiving is for us to recognize and remember everything that God has done for us and what He will do. We offer praise and meditation keeping humble because we receive such an abundance of Grace and the least of which we don't deserve. With Supplication we are humbly asking, interceding and petitioning according to His will.
In thinking about prayer, it's important to remember that living a prayerful life isn't just speaking to God. It's making our life itself a prayer, offering everything we do in a physical sense, as well as mentally and spiritually, as a sacrifice and worship to God, for God, with God and by God.
How do we live out a life of prayer? In our pursuit of the invitation to Holiness, we are called to daily lay down our lives for Christ. We are called to take up our cross and follow Him. We do this by offering ourselves for His glory when we wake up. When we go to work, or school we recognize that we aren't doing it for men. We do it for His glory as witnesses and testimony to His goodness. On a larger scale, we are reminded of A.C.T.S. when we partake in the Eucharist. In Mass we see the presence of Jesus at the altar. We adore, then we confess that we aren't worthy, then afterwards we pray a prayer of thanksgiving. Mass ends and we are commissioned to go do God's will in our daily life the purpose of which is to draw more people into His fold.
If there is one thing I don't believe in, it's coincidence. Want to see A.C.T.S. in a way you might never have thought of? Look at the Liturgical Year. The Church in Her wisdom established the Liturgical Year as Advent, Lent, Easter and Ordinary time. Of course there are a few weeks of ordinary time in between Advent and Lent but that's the general way it's set up. I think it is nothing short of amazing when you look at the Liturgical Year compared to the regular calendar. The way its set up, I can't help but marvel at the way God works. Even in the midst of a lost secularized world, God calls out. When you line the Liturgical Year with the regular calender year you get New year, Lent,spring, Easter, Ordinary Time (which includes summer and fall), Thanksgiving,Advent, winter, Christmas, end of year. Of course throughout there are various other secular Holidays. Such as ( in America) Memorial Day, Labor Day, July 4th all of which are secular in design yet have a purpose that draws our attention to God.
In lining up the two years, A.C.T.S. becomes quite clear. The start of the new year is a time when we make resolutions. We recognize the need to change things and we try to change them. It's a time of beginning anew, starting over. It is in this time, we should start by seeing who God is. It is the time when we realize our dependency on the Unchanging God to change us, to direct our feet back to the path that we walked away from. Then we have Lent, where we are preparing to celebrate the Passion and Resurrection of our Lord Jesus. It is a time when the overall theme is reconciliation and Confession.We fast, and deny ourselves pleasures of whatever we "give up" to align our suffering with the suffering of Christ. We celebrate the start of spring and Easter where it is by Jesus' resurrection we are empowered to start the work of the kingdom where both literally and spiritually, we plant our seeds and God grows them. Summer comes along and we have to really work the ground and do our part so the harvest grows and is tendered to bear fruits as best as we can.Then fall comes where its time to harvest the fruit of our hard work. We have Thanksgiving [other countries vary on days and traditions of thanksgiving but usually still have a recognized time of observing harvest and such so the idea is still there] where we are thankful for the harvest we just had. It's also a time when we prepare to take what we were given and store it up for our families and others in time of need. Which brings me to Supplication. I am going to include Advent, winter and Christmas all under this. We start in Advent where we prepare to celebrate the single greatest gift we could have ever dreamed of. Our precious Savior, exactly what we needed and yet not what we had expected. They say the best gifts come in small packages, and here we have a precious, precious infant. It took 33 years for our gift to be fully known and unwrapped for what it was, but it started in a tiny bundle in a manger surrounded by animals and strangers in a foreign city. While people debate on when Christ was physically born, I think it is funny ( in an ironic way) that we celebrate His birth at the start of winter. We are called to take care of the poor and the needy every day, but it is in winter when their needs are the most dire. Not that its easier to be homeless or hungry in warm weather, but winter is when the elements are at their worst. The season of most need is when we celebrate receiving what we most needed. Even non believing athiests recognize the needs of others and do what they can at this time of year. Not that they don't any other time, just this is the time of year when it is most visually seen and when others seem to come together more than any other time of year. Even a secular world that doesn't celebrate CHRISTMAS, but celebrate...well whatever it is they celebrate at this time of year, in exchanging gifts (even materially), volunteering to work at homeless shelters and such, they take the time to put others needs and desires above their own. This is the point of supplication and petitioning. Not just asking God to take care of our needs, but really asking Him to provide for others what they need most.
Now all this was on the grand scale of a full year (and I was blown away when I saw it), but to be honest we are called to do it every single day. We are called everyday we wake up to: 1)Recognize who God is, 2) recognize that we have fallen short of our place in relationship to Christ, 3) be humbly thankful that we have received another day to live, and 4) to petition God not just for our needs, but to use us in such a way as to put on the nature of Christ and become the face of Christ as we take care of others as much as we can. I challenge you (myself as well), Implement this prayer guide. When you wake up in the morning, before you go to bed, or take some time out during the day to really talk to God. He wants to hear from you. Then after you have prayed, I challenge you to make your life a prayer and act out the A.C.T.S. of life.
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